trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
