im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize