Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We had sex on a dog bed..
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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