You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
