I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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