It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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