Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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