lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize