If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
