Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
