the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
