She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
