I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
