she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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