dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
