saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
