I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize