first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
