I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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