What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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