my mouth tastes like poor choices
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
