The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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