in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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