I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
