hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
