Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
