Plan B is the new Plan A
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
