If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The adults are the big ones right?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
