You don't have asthma, your pregnant
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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