she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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