why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
