I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh god it's open bar.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
