margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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