At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
