She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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