if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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