Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
