I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
