I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
