she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
