i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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