ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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