I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
