got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
