I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
