the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
