Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
