I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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