My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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