i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
