theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
