My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
