everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
