Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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