my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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