I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
