Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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