In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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