I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
