Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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