I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think my moral compass just broke
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
