if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize