please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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