so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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