I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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