Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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