i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
