Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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