a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize