Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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