Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
