I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
