Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
