Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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