this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
