and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
