Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
