I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize