I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Randomize
