A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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