remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
