dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
