it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
