Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
