I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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