We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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