He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
