real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize