dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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