They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
