I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Even my vagina gasped.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize