I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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