There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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