This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
