Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
