I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
