Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
