i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize