this beer tastes like vomit already
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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