I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
