So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
